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A New Beginning...After an End


It is really very painful to part your ways with someone whom you have loved, trusted and have dreamt of a future together.

There would be hardly anyone who hasn't been through such a experience. No matter how you part ways, it is always painful.

A heavenly life becomes hell. At times pain seems to be unbearable. It feels like you would never get over it.

If you right set of friends then they try to soothe the pain. If you have shallow fools around you they will keep listening to your pleas of how wrong and bad your ex is. A true friend will tell you to stop whining and look after yourself and will make sure that you really do that.

When I broke up sometime early this year, a very dear friend said, “How can you cry over same thing again and again? You thought it would last all your life
&it didn't last even a one blow of social pressures."

Yes, it was tough phase of my life. All my dreams were shattered in one go. I even lost my temper once & ended up slapping him.

Who was responsible? Me? He? Our Families? Who was it?

For me, in the initial period, he was the one who was responsible.

Of course, he was... He didn't protect me from his uncivilized parents. How rude and arrogant they were  to me, to my family. These thoughts kept flooding my mind and kept me raging with anger.

My earthly angels ensured that I had busy weekends and my manager denied leaves. Heck, what a life! I need rest & these people had put me on a leash.

The one of the top performers of the team had swum even below the lowest levels.

There was not a single day when I did not cry at work or on my bed. Who shattered my dreams? Me? He? Our Families? Who was it?

It was a real tough task. Inner peace is something that grows inside you but does not take birth all by itself. I started reading books & searching internet for the seed of inner peace. Nothing in this world seemed to help. The seed kept away from me.

As a final attempt, I decided to take a digital break.

Few days later, when things were slowly settling down, or trying to make sense. My journey towards recovery had begun. Another friend said, give time some to time to heal you. 

It was then; I asked myself why I had so much of pain? What was it that I am still holding on? Pain or Happiness? 

I started going through the notes I had made during the so called happy times. They troubled me as if I was walking on a path full of thorns...

There he was my prince charming, right here in my head and was not ready to leave...
A recap of my story without the rose-tinted glasses gave me a clear picture of Mr. Frog who had never turned into my Prince Charming. 

A spineless man who was afraid to show me off to the world, a man who had motives which he dared not to reveal. A man who pretended what he was not. A man who never told me that I was beautiful, instead always criticized the way I dressed. An escaper who never dared to move out of his comfort zone. A man who had never dared to cross those imaginary boundaries created by selfish individuals. A man who was not honest about himself.

Every instance told me that things were always wrong & I had ignored them. Was that the fact? Were the things really wrong?

That was another question, my heart kept fighting with my mind.

Mind said of course yes, things were wrong, Heart said come on, you cant be so practical, he must have had something else to act in such way. The raging war lasted for days.

I even ended up texting him. He told me not to bother him again.

Mind again told my heart, See didn't I tell you, he just never cared, he was trying to use you to fulfill his family's ambitions. My heart cried, "thats not possible... We had so much of good time." Mind said having good time with one doesn't negate the negative approach. At least check if that person was completely with you. My notes said he was never completely with me. He was either tweeting his friends or playing games or busy checking in at places virtually. His phone was part of his existence. Yes, but then I also realized that this person doesn't have the capacity to be at any place anytime completely. He is so paralyzed without his phone. I wondered if he even knew what his parent’s cell phone numbers were.

I realized that I had learnt to live with so much of abuse and manipulation, that I was missing it. What I had was definitely was not love, it was slavery. The moment I realized this, I was free. 

The magic of reality had started setting in. I additionally, took some relationship counseling. My counselor is a wonderful woman who kept reminding me that
I was beautiful and definitely didn't deserve such abuse. I started regaining my confidence. I felt like phoenix, resurrecting from ashes.

My life is at turning point... with a total new view for life and to look at myself...

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