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Are You Married?

Are You Married?


This one must have been the most asked question in the history of mankind. Every woman of age is asked this question. And I am sure every learned and wise woman fails to understand the context of this question and the story does not end with a simple answer of this question. It goes much beyond.

A few people will march off my life with this post & a few will tell me that I should not write such stuff and go with the flow. And I am ready and will be happy with the consequences.

People with either innate or cheap interest in my life will read this. You may feel I am complaining. Perhaps, Yes I am. But then what is the origin of complaints? And why shouldn't one complain once in a while?



Scenario One:

Stranger: Are you Married?
Woman: Yes
Stranger: Ok. (I have never figured out what this means) So, what does your husband do?
(Why does he/she want to know? Sometimes it was to figure out social status / financial status)

Woman: He is works with XYZ Company.
Stranger: Ok. (Somebody please elaborate this!!!)

Sometimes, they try to find connections in that organization. (Why?)
Is it really necessary to be someone's wife? Can’t a woman exist just by herself?

The story continues and Stranger asks: Do you have children?
Woman: No
Stranger: Ohh Sorry. (For what? Cant it just be my choice not to have kids?) I hope everything is ok. (Give me a good reason why everything may not be ok) {Thinking to themselves: Ohhh so that is why she is involved in such Adventure Activities}

I usually stop answering at this point.

Scenario Two:

Stranger: Are you Married?

Woman: No

Stranger: WHY??? You should be married by this age. (What the F#$%! Do I have any say in my life!!!?)

This is against the laws of the nature. You should never deprive yourself of joys of life. (I am usually deaf after this) Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah...

Scenario Three:

Stranger: Are you Married?

Woman: I was, now I am divorced. (I try to maintain a low tone.)

The story flows according to the mindset of the stranger:

Stranger: Ohh Sorry. But you know you should move on in life & settle down again. (Somebody please help me understand: Settling Down)

Woman: Ya, I know. (Meaning: Ok, let’s not discuss further)

Stranger: Why did it happen? Who would leave a sweet girl like you? (Bitch please it was my decision & I am happy about it, and what you know about me to say I am sweet!)

Woman: To cut a long story short, both of us were too young then and couldn't handle the relationship, I went through domestic violence & emotional torture long enough to take a decision. (I prefer not to lie in any case)

Stranger: Ohh so it was you? But you know girls should have patience. Once the kids are born, things do change. (How smart you are! I thought I should not suffer through all such shit & you are telling me to bring in some fragile company)

Woman: The relationship was never on the tracks of having kids. (Why should I discuss my sex/love life with you in the first place?)

Stranger: Why? Was he gay? (How does knowledge about someone's sexual orientation help you?)  Or you have any medical problems? {Ohh So THIS is the reason why she is into adventure} (Dude I am really sick of your questions & I am not interested discussing my personal matters)

Woman: (Trying to remain calm) No, nothing like that.

The stranger continues: Should I look for a match for you?

Woman: No thanks. (Thank you for your concern)

Stranger: Come on, you should re-marry. This is against the laws of the nature. You should never deprive yourself of joys of life. (I am usually deaf after this) Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah...

The story doesn't end here....

Some strangers never ask this question but keep looking for hints or ask indirectly.

Some strangers have interest in ME however once they find out about my marital status (divorced) their behavior changes. A few have tried to treat me as if being divorced is one of the biggest sins ever committed. A few have been superstitious enough to keep away from their family functions but calling upon me when needed help.

Some prefer to remain distant, go beyond the discussions and offer to "HELP" in case I need to make myself feel happy anytime!

There are also some who have told me that only a man can manage a woman's life and being divorced is as if some important part of your body is lost.

It has been almost 10 years since the divorce. During this period, I have met innumerable people with different characteristics. Very few have remained by my side during this time. Most of the people have used me for their objectives and have managed to blame me for wrong things gone wrong.

I have realized that I will never have a permanent relationship in my life as the ones I loved have always chosen to walk away from me when I needed them the most. Perhaps I have looked for love, care & respect at wrong places all the time. Additionally, I won’t let go of my self - respect (Some also call it as ego) for being with someone nor I possess a characteristic to keep buttering someone for my interests.

The society has failed me in various ways. The level of society, I come from cannot accept a single woman. There are men who have approached me indecently and have tried to make me feel like a prostitute. And when I walked away & they failed, I was given bad names.

A single woman can never be rather she should never be friends with any man irrespective of his marital status. She cannot (rather she should never) share any happy or sad feeling with him personally as this is perceived as if the woman is seeking emotional support. She cannot (rather she should never) seek help from anybody because there won’t be any empathy in the help received. Most of the people choose not to help and a few those who help either look for favors in return or do it out of sympathy and later expect the woman to be their slave.

Last 10 years have been full of struggle, pain, heartbreak and losses of different types. And one blog post is definitely not enough to write about it. People have walked in with expectations and walked out with empty hands. And I am proud of myself to have overcome my fears and failures. 

Today, I am pretty much self sufficient, independent & I am yet to meet a compatible man. But I am definitely not going to waste my precious life over waiting for him to come and take care of me and to make me happy.
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