Are You Married?
This one must have been the most asked question in the
history of mankind. Every woman of age is asked this question. And I am sure
every learned and wise woman fails to understand the context of this question
and the story does not end with a simple answer of this question. It goes much
beyond.
A few people will march off my life with this post & a
few will tell me that I should not write such stuff and go with the flow. And I
am ready and will be happy with the consequences.
People with either innate or cheap interest in my life will
read this. You may feel I am complaining. Perhaps, Yes I am. But then what is
the origin of complaints? And why shouldn't one complain once in a while?
Scenario One:
Stranger: Are you Married?
Woman: Yes
Stranger: Ok. (I have never figured out what this means) So,
what does your husband do?
(Why does he/she want to know? Sometimes it was to figure
out social status / financial status)
Woman: He is works with XYZ Company.
Stranger: Ok. (Somebody please elaborate this!!!)
Sometimes, they try to find connections in that
organization. (Why?)
Is it really necessary to be someone's wife? Can’t a woman
exist just by herself?
The story continues and Stranger asks: Do you have children?
Woman: No
Stranger: Ohh Sorry. (For what? Cant it just be my choice
not to have kids?) I hope everything is ok. (Give me a good reason why
everything may not be ok) {Thinking to themselves: Ohhh so that is why she is
involved in such Adventure Activities}
I usually stop answering at this point.
Scenario Two:
Stranger: Are you Married?
Woman: No
Stranger: WHY??? You should be married by this age. (What
the F#$%! Do I have any say in my life!!!?)
This is against the laws of the nature. You should never
deprive yourself of joys of life. (I am usually deaf after this) Blah Blah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah...
Scenario Three:
Stranger: Are you Married?
Woman: I was, now I am divorced. (I try to maintain a low
tone.)
The story flows according to the mindset of the stranger:
Stranger: Ohh Sorry. But you know you should move on in life
& settle down again. (Somebody please help me understand: Settling
Down)
Woman: Ya, I know. (Meaning: Ok, let’s not discuss further)
Stranger: Why did it happen? Who would leave a sweet girl
like you? (Bitch please it was my decision & I am happy about it, and
what you know about me to say I am sweet!)
Woman: To cut a long story short, both of us were too young
then and couldn't handle the relationship, I went through domestic violence
& emotional torture long enough to take a decision. (I prefer not to
lie in any case)
Stranger: Ohh so it was you? But you know girls should have
patience. Once the kids are born, things do change. (How smart you are! I
thought I should not suffer through all such shit & you are telling me
to bring in some fragile company)
Woman: The relationship was never on the tracks of having
kids. (Why should I discuss my sex/love life with you in the first place?)
Stranger: Why? Was he gay? (How does knowledge about
someone's sexual orientation help you?)
Or you have any medical problems? {Ohh So THIS is the reason why she is
into adventure} (Dude I am really sick of your questions & I am not
interested discussing my personal matters)
Woman: (Trying to remain calm) No, nothing like that.
The stranger continues: Should I look for a match for you?
Woman: No thanks. (Thank you for your concern)
Stranger: Come on, you should re-marry. This is against the
laws of the nature. You should never deprive yourself of joys of life. (I am
usually deaf after this) Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah...
The story doesn't end here....
Some strangers never ask this question but keep looking for
hints or ask indirectly.
Some strangers have interest in ME however once they find
out about my marital status (divorced) their behavior changes. A few have tried
to treat me as if being divorced is one of the biggest sins ever committed. A
few have been superstitious enough to keep away from their family functions but
calling upon me when needed help.
Some prefer to remain distant, go beyond the discussions and
offer to "HELP" in case I need to make myself feel happy anytime!
There are also some who have told me that only a man can
manage a woman's life and being divorced is as if some important part of your
body is lost.
It has been almost 10 years since the divorce. During this
period, I have met innumerable people with different characteristics. Very few
have remained by my side during this time. Most of the people have used me for
their objectives and have managed to blame me for wrong things gone wrong.
I have realized that I will never have a permanent
relationship in my life as the ones I loved have always chosen to walk away
from me when I needed them the most. Perhaps I have looked for love, care & respect at wrong places all the time. Additionally, I won’t let go of
my self - respect (Some also call it as ego) for being with someone nor I
possess a characteristic to keep buttering someone for my interests.
The society has failed me in various ways. The level of
society, I come from cannot accept a single woman. There are men who have
approached me indecently and have tried to make me feel like a prostitute. And
when I walked away & they failed, I was given bad names.
A single woman can never be rather she should never be
friends with any man irrespective of his marital status. She cannot (rather she
should never) share any happy or sad feeling with him personally as this is
perceived as if the woman is seeking emotional support. She cannot (rather she
should never) seek help from anybody because there won’t be any empathy in the
help received. Most of the people choose not to help and a few those who help
either look for favors in return or do it out of sympathy and later expect the
woman to be their slave.
Last 10 years have been full of struggle, pain, heartbreak
and losses of different types. And one blog post is definitely not enough to
write about it. People have walked in with expectations and walked out with empty hands. And I am proud of myself to have overcome my fears and failures.
Today, I am pretty much self sufficient, independent & I
am yet to meet a compatible man. But I am definitely not going to waste my
precious life over waiting for him to come and take care of me and to make me
happy.